The funniest things you've said or heard

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #80 on:** August 17, 2013, 02:21:26 PM

What I heard someone say in response to a guy picking a wedgie in public:

"Hey, are you going to the movies later? 'Cuz you're picking your seat awful early."

And here's one I randomly came up with. Ever try to joke with someone who is ditzy and has no idea you're poking fun at them? My random blurt:

"Now I know how a screw feels about playing with a bag of hammers."

Pangaea · **Reply #81 on:** September 15, 2013, 09:42:18 PM

A few more random gems from my family:

Quote

My sister: Ah, bacon. Glory in pig form.

–

My older younger brother: (*to me*) You are a very prestigious mongoose.

–

My older younger brother: When it’s raining buffaloes, you don’t want to go outside.

Me: (*chuckling*) Words of wisdom.

My older younger brother: In fact, you should probably go to a bomb shelter.

*cue me cracking up*

StrutEggStealer · **Reply #82 on:** September 19, 2013, 04:38:57 PM

^ I had no idea mongooses could be prestigious :blink:

Awesomely random conversation me and one of my sisters had.
We were walking in an historical graveyard, and I noticed this really gnarly tree.
Me: OMG that is so cool. *notices another* Whoa, why is it the coollest trees always grow in graveyards?
My Sister (with a coy smile): Nutrients.

Conversation between me and a kindergartner I know.
*Regarding LBT XII*
Me *quoting along with movie*: Topsy, did YOU lay this egg?
Kindergartner *replying in sync*: So shush up and help me!
Gales of laughter form boths parties ensued...

Ducky123 · **Reply #83 on:** September 19, 2013, 05:50:30 PM

One of the students in my class back in 6th grade, English.
Our teacher asked the following: "What do you do if you have a broken neck?"
student (missunderstanding the word 'neck'): "You can eat it!"
Now guess what she understood

EGG!

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #84 on:** December 17, 2013, 10:50:51 PM

This one recently took place when, during one of my living history tours (yes, my job is to dress up and take folks back to the 20's and 30's

, after I played a player Welte theatre organ as part of my tour:

Visitor: "So...that organ must be awfully expensive to maintain. How is it funded?"

Me: "Organ donations."

*Uneasy looks on visitors' faces make me realize what I had just implied

.*

Me: "Allow me to rephrase that. Monetary donations for the organ, that is."

The Chronicler · **Reply #85 on:** August 27, 2019, 08:20:32 PM

I remember back in sixth grade around Halloween (so this would've been 2002), my classmates and I were doing some series of projects for the upcoming holiday. One of my classmates wanted to know if the phrase "trick or treat" should be spelled with hyphens, so she asked the teacher:

Quote

Is it spelled trick... dash... or... trash- *laughs*

That slip of the tongue caused everyone who heard it (including me) to immediately burst out laughing.

Needless to say, "trick or trash" became a running joke among many of us for Halloween that year.

StardustSoldier · **Reply #86 on:** January 07, 2020, 05:36:17 PM

This song by George Harrison...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_71w4UA2Oxo

...I used to think he was saying, "Look out, I might sit on you."

Little Bro · **Reply #87 on:** October 30, 2021, 12:12:12 AM

One time I walked up to a stranger, who was reading a magazine, and said, "What magazine are you looking at, Dad?"
Everyone, including the stranger, thought that was funny.

The Chronicler · **Reply #88 on:** November 30, 2024, 10:52:01 PM

During the Thanksgiving family gathering yesterday, I said something that is actually kind of funny now that I look back on it.

It involved a pack of store-bought fudge that included a plastic knife to cut it apart. My brother was the first to attempt to use it, but ended up making a little mess with that first piece. When someone else suggested using an actual knife instead, I offered to use the plastic knife to cut the fudge myself, "because I have patience," I told everyone. I've had that kind of fudge before, so I'm familiar with how it should be properly cut without needing any extra utensils.

Seconds later, when my brother argued again that he should get an actual knife to make it easier for me, I playfully retorted, "I have patience. You do not."

Nearly all of my gathered relatives heard that, and many of them laughed at the way I had said that. And for the record, my method of patience really did succeed at cutting the fudge much more cleanly, despite restricting myself to just the provided plastic knife.