Created by: Phil Nibbelink, Dick Zodang, Simon Wells, Ralph Zodang, and Steven Spielberg
Music by: James Horner
Most of the cast is changed
Bill Murray as Shrek
Steve Martin as Donkey
Bridget Fonda as Fiona
Estelle Harris as The Wicked Witch
Robin Williams as the Fairy Godmother
E.G Daily as Pinocchio
Jim Cummings as the Magic Mirror
Robby Benson as Prince Charming
Jeff Bennett as the Big Bad Wolf
Most of the writing is taken from the Transcripts Wiki.
The camera closes on a storybook which somehow opens up
Narrator: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by true love's kiss.
[The book turns the page to reveal a castle protected by a witch.]
Narrator: [continued] She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible witch.
[The next page shows knights being turned into pebbles by the witch]
Narrator: [continued] Many brave knights have attempted to free her from the dreadful castle, but they all failed.
[The book turns the page to reveal the princess sleeping under a canopied bed in a chamber similar to Sleeping Beauty.]
Narrator: [continued] She waited in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss. If someone could kiss her in love, the enchantment would be broken. If not, the princess would be doomed to turn into stone forever...
Then the scene fades into an outhouse surrounded by a garbage dump near a village called Wart Creek. The door opened rapidly, revealing a big green ogre named Shrek. He walks outside and then takes a mud bath in a mud pit near a swamp with his clothes still on.
Then the scene switches to Shrek brushing his teeth with mud and looks in a cracked mirror and sees that his teeth are now a brownish color.
Shrek then paints a face of him with angry eyebrows and brown teeth and paints the words "BEWARE OF OGRE"
Later, Shrek is eating eyeballs as cereal in a wooden bowl. At night time, Shrek decides to go for a walk but there is a crowd of villagers in his way.
One man draws his sword but a man says. "You know what that ogre could do to you."
Then Shrek says "They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin, shave your liver, and squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast."
Then a man says "Burn beast! Burn! I warn you!"
Then Shrek does a huge, monstrous, and long roar which scares away the villagers. Shrek then returns to his outhouse surrounded by less garbage than before.
The next day, the camera closes on a donkey behind bars being hauled away in a wagon. Another guard is dragging 3 pigs tied in chains as a farmer collects the coins from the table. Sitting behind is a captain of the guards dolling out reward money notating the trades. This is one of the Fairy Godmother's trading posts.
Then the donkey looks around nervously and then hear a roar. The roar is coming from a huge grizzly bear fighting with the people who are trying to put it in a cage.
Then the grizzly sees a donkey and attacks the wagon with Donkey in it.
DONKEY: [to the guards] Please, don't turn me in! I'll never be stubborn again. I can change, please give me another chance!
The grizzly then is hit with a bullwhip and then goes back to fighting with the people who are trying to put into a cage as Donkey is being transported into a castle far away.
Back in Shrek's house, which is surrounded with a lot more garbage than usual, Shrek, at the dinner table, starts to dine on some fish with a glass of swamp water. When Shrek is finished, he hears a knock on his door.
Then he goes outside and discovers that there is no more garbage around his house with tents replacing the garbage. The same grizzly bear from earlier, along with his wife and son, huddle around a campfire. Everywhere, fairy tale characters have decided to stay at Shrek's outhouse.
Shrek: WHAT ARE YA DOIN IN MY OUTHOUSE
Pinocchio: We were forced to come.
Shrek: (no longer talking in a Scottish accent) By who?
Pinocchio: The Fairy Godmother.
Shrek: All right. Who knows where to find this gal?
Pinocchio: I do.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find this gal?
The Big Bad Wolf: She's in a castle near Fairytale city.
Shrek: Do not get too comfortable. I'm going to find this gal right now.
Then Shrek walks on a road leading to the castle far, far away.
Meanwhile, the dungeon doors open as the captain of the guards approaches. "We found it." he says.
"Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in!" the Fairy Godmother says eagerly
The Guards hang a shrouded figure from a chain. They pull the cover off, revealing an ornate, full-sized mirror. A ghostly face appears in the mirror.
Fairy Godmother: The Magic Mirror... Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Magic Mirror: It's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are.
The Magic Mirror gestures to one side and camera pans to reveal three shadowy portraits of Cinderella, Snow White and Princess Fiona. Camera shows portrait of Cinderella.
Magic Mirror: Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. Her hobbies include cooking, singing, and cleaning for her two evil sisters! Please welcome, Cinderella! Bachelorette number two is a girl in the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy! Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is! Come on, give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery red-head from a witch guarded castle! Yours for the rescuing... Princess Fiona! So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three?
GUARDS: 1 3 1 2 3 2 1 2 3 2 1 2 3 1 3 1 2 3 3 1 2!
Fairy Godmother: 1, 2, 3, um 1, 3, um...
Prince Charming: Three. [holds up two fingers] Pick number three.
Fairy Godmother: Okay, okay, uuuhhh... Number three!
MAGIC MIRROR: You've chosen... Princess Fiona.
Then the scene cuts to Shrek taking a turn to the gates of Fairytale city. Then he looks up at a tower in the center of the city right above him. "So that must be where this gal is..." Shrek says to himself.
Then he hears the sound of trumpets and runs to a stadium. The Fairy Godmother is planning a tournament.
Fairy Godmother: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself better and brighter than all the rest...That champion shall have the honor - no, no - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the terrible keep of the witch. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. Let the tournament begin!
Then the Fairy Godmother notices that a big ugly green ogre is there.
Fairy Godmother: What is that thing? Gosh it's hideous. Knights! new plan. The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
The knights corner Shrek who is gesturing at them to stop. After a moment, Shrek says "Come on!" as he whirls and knocks spigots off the kegs. Mud geysers out, knocking over knights and the warriors start slipping and sliding, legs going out from under them, unable to get their footing.
Shrek smiles and skates through the mud field like a hockey player while knights slip and slide around him. As the match continues, the crowd watches Shrek perform wrestling moves on the knights.
After all the knights are down, the crowd groans in disappointment that the ogre won. Shrek the walks out of the stadium. As he is adventuring, he goes through a sunflower field
Later, he sees a fork on the road. Shrek decides to take the left way, assuming that is where the princess is. After a while, Shrek is moving across a rocky landscape that has no trees.
Later, Shrek finds a dark grey castle. As he enters, he finds a knight's armor and starts to put the armor on. "The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower." Shrek says to himself.
Then Shrek goes up to the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower and finds a Donkey. "OGRE!!!" Donkey shouts in fear, startling Shrek. However, Shrek decides to free Donkey from the highest room in the tallest tower anyways.
Donkey: Help! I’ve been kidnapped by a deranged, unbalanced ogre!
Shrek: (covers Donkey's mouth) You need to calm down! I’m your rescuer.
Donkey: (muffled) My rescuer?
Shrek: I’m not gonna hurt you, all right?
SHREK: [to himself] Well, at least we know where the donkey is, but where’s the--
Then Donkey sees a dragon. "DRAGON! Ahhhhhhhh!!!" Donkey shouts as he frees himself from Shrek and starts to run away. "Donkey, where are you--" Shrek says as a blast of fire nearly hits him. Shrek then starts to follow Donkey. However, both run into a dead end as the dragon closes in on Shrek and Donkey.
DONKEY: No...Don't... Oh no -- oh - -- oh a girl dragon!
The dragon chuckles and bats its eyelashes, which are rather long. Then the dragon blows a heart shaped smoke ring. However, Shrek catches Donkey. "Donkey, we have no time for this." Shrek says.
Then a cackling witch blasts a jet of magic, almost hitting Shrek and Donkey. The two make it out of the castle as fast as they can.
Shrek then lets go of Donkey. "Oh wow! That was really scary! And, if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work your breath certainly will get the job done 'cuz your breath STINKS!" Donkey says as he and Shrek are taking the right way to the castle where Fiona is in.
SHREK: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me. What am I?
DONKEY: Ahhhh, a really tall knight?
SHREK: No! I'm an ogre! You know -- "grab your torch and pitch forks"! Doesn't that bother you?
DONKEY: Nope.
SHREK: Really?
DONKEY: Really, really. Man -- I like you, what's your name?
SHREK: [hesitant] Ahh ...Shrek.
Later, Donkey and Shrek find a dark grey castle accessible by a narrow bridge above a river of lava.
SHREK: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey peers tentatively over the edge.
DONKEY: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a narrow bridge over a boiling river of lava!
SHREK: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.
DONKEY: Really?
SHREK: Really, really.
DONKEY: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
Shrek walks on the narrow bridge as Donkey follows him.
SHREK: Just keep moving. And don't look down.
DONKEY: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down.
However, Donkey nearly slips off the bridge.
DONKEY: Shrek! I'm lookin' down! AAAH!
Shrek pulls Donkey back up and carries him. Later, they are in the castle and not in the bridge anymore.
DONKEY: So where is this princess you're looking for anyways?
SHREK: In the highest room of the tallest tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
DONKEY: [whispers; nervous] You afraid?
SHREK: [whispering] No... But - SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Shrek walks away, Donkey suddenly notices he's gone and runs to catch up.
Then Donkey suddenly falls into a pile of pebbles and knight armor. Later Shrek unlocks a door and finds a princess in a white dress sleeping in a bed.
SHREK: Wake up!
FIONA: What?
SHREK: Are you Princess Fiona?
FIONA: [recovering] I am.
SHREK: Oh, that’s nice. Now let’s go!
Later, a witch is watching Shrek and Fiona.
FIONA: You didn't slay the witch?!
Shrek: As long as the witch doesn't see us, we'll be fine.
FIONA: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.... That's what all the other knights did!
SHREK: [indicating a knight turned into pebbles] Yeah, right before they turn into pebbles!
FIONA: You know that's not the point! [stops short] Ugh! Wait, where are you going? The exit's over there!
Then the Witch starts to blast jets of magic, nearly turning Shrek Fiona, and Donkey into stone while cackling
SHREK: Okay you two, head for the exit.
Shrek grabs a sword from a nearby knight turned into pebbles and looks determined.
SHREK: I'll take care of that witch.
However, the witch nearly turns Shrek into pebbles
SHREK: When I say run, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!
They all run across the bridge as a fireball sweeps after them, burning the bridge behind them as they cross. The bridge swings away to the other side and Fiona and Shrek hang on. Donkey can't get a grip and falls, Shrek catches him by the tail, just in time.
Suddenly, the cackling witch nearly blasts a jet of magic at Fiona. Later, Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey are not in the rocky wasteland anymore.
Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good sir knight.
SHREK: Ahhh...No.
FIONA: Why not?
SHREK: I...I am something you may not like.
FIONA: Please, I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
SHREK: Oh no, you wouldn't.
FIONA: But how will you kiss me?
SHREK: What? That wasn't in the job description.
DONKEY: Maybe it's a perk.
FIONA: No, it’s destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes: A princess locked in a tower and beset by a wicked witch is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love’s first kiss.
DONKEY: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?
FIONA: Well...yes.
DONKEY: You think Shrek is your true love! Ha ha ha ha! [cracks himself up; even move laughter]
FIONA: What is so funny?
SHREK: Let’s just say I’m not your type, okay.
FIONA: Of course you are. You’re my rescuer. Now remove your helmet.
SHREK: Look. I really don’t think this is a good idea.
FIONA: Just take off the helmet.
SHREK: I’m not going to.
FIONA: Take it off!
SHREK: No!
FIONA: NOW!
SHREK: Alright!
Shrek removes his armor, revealing himself to be an ugly ogre.
FIONA: You... You’re a... an ogre?
SHREK: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?
FIONA: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You’re not supposed to be an ogre.
SHREK: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by the Fairy Godmother, okay? She is the one who wants to save you. And believe me, if it wasn't for me, you'd be dead.
"You can tell Fairy Godmother that if she wants to rescue me properly, I’ll be waiting for her right here." Fiona says as she sits down on a log.
Then Shrek picks Fiona up. "You wouldn't dare." Fiona says. Shrek then starts to walk off with DOnkey following him. Later, it is sunset and the princess walks off into a tent.
FIONA: Well, gentlemen, I bid you a good night.
DONKEY: Um, you want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story? 'Cause I will.
FIONA: [inside the tent] I SAID GOOD NIGHT!
Shrek and Donkey look at each other in surprise and then go to sleep.
Then Shrek wakes up and thinks of some way to get her to like him.
SHREK: [to himself] Princess, how are you, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I’m okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because.... well, I don’t really like it, but I thought you might like it ‘cause you’re pretty. But I like you anyway. I’d.... uh, uh.... [sighs] I’m in trouble. Okay, here we go.
Shrek gets no answer from the princess and goes back to sleep.
Later, in the morning, the camera closes on the eggs frying on a rock skillet. Shrek sniffs and stirs awake. He looks up to see Fiona cooking the eggs over the open fire. Surprised and impressed he rouses Donkey to show him
SHREK: Donkey, wake up.
DONKEY: Huh? What?
SHREK: Wake up.
DONKEY: [yawns] What?
Shrek indicates Fiona and they both look at her puzzled. Fiona notices that they're awake.
FIONA: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?
DONKEY: Good morning, Princess!
SHREK: What's all this about?
FIONA: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. [ She places the sizzling eggs down in front of Shrek.] After all, you did rescue me.
SHREK: Uh, thanks.
FIONA: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
Later, Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey are making their way into Fairytale city. Shrek does a gigantic burp as a few flies fly out of his mouth.
DONKEY: Shrek!
SHREK: What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
DONKEY: Well, it’s no way to behave in front of a princess.
Then Fiona burps, although not as huge as that of Shrek. "Excuse me." she says.
DONKEY: She’s just as nasty as you are.
SHREK: [To the princess] You know, you’re not exactly what I expected.
FIONA: Well, maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them.
However, someone shoots an arrow into Shrek's arm. "There's an arrow in your arm!" Fiona says.
SHREK: [confused] What?
Shrek then looks at his arm and is not sure what to do next.
FIONA: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I’m so sorry.
DONKEY: [walking up] Why? What’s wrong?
FIONA: Shrek’s hurt.
Donkey scampers around hysterically.
DONKEY: [frantic] Shrek’s hurt? Shrek’s hurt?! Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die. You can’t do this to me, Shrek. I’m too young for you to die.
FIONA: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a yellow flower with thorns.
DONKEY: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I’m on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
FIONA/SHREK: DONKEY!
SHREK: What are the flowers for?
FIONA: For getting rid of Donkey.
SHREK: [realizes] Ah.
FIONA: Now you hold still, and I’ll pull the arrow out.
SHREK: OW! Hey! Easy!
FIONA: I’m sorry, but it has to come out.
SHREK: No, it's tender.
FIONA: Now, let me....
SHREK: No....Would ya....
FIONA: Now, hold on.
SHREK: What you’re doing is the opposite of help.
FIONA: Don't move.
SHREK: Okay. Look. Look. Time out.
In the back a bit off the forest road, Donkey is frantically searching through the brush.
DONKEY: Yellow flower with thorns. This would be so much easier if all the flower's wern't just yellow! Yellow flower with thorns.
SHREK: [off screen] OWWW!!!
DONKEY: Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming’!
Donkey rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a flower with thorns.
SHREK: Ow! Not good.
FIONA: Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. [Shrek grunts as she pulls] It's just about...
SHREK: Ow! Ohh! [he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him]
DONKEY: Ahem.
SHREK: [throwing Fiona off of him] Nothing happened. We were just, uh - -
DONKEY: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
SHREK: Oh, come on, that’s the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just-- [Fiona quickly pulls the arrow out] Uuuuugghh!
Then Shrek walks over and picks Donkey up as they continue on their way.
As Shrek, Donkey, and Fiona make their way towards Fairytale city, they grow closer and closer. Shrek and Fiona start displaying the little tell tale signs of affection.
Shrek pulls a tree over a river for her to cross, and lets it go before Donkey manages to make it over. Donkey is flung off, unnoticed by the others.
Shrek catches a frog and inflates it for her to make a lovely balloon. By the time they are getting close to Fairytale city. Fiona and Shrek are almost hand and hand. Donkey looks on, getting the idea.
Shrek and Fiona are sitting in an open fire. Shrek is cooking a dead fish.
FIONA: I guess I’ll be dining differently tomorrow.
SHREK: Maybe you can come visit me in the garbage dump sometime. I’ll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Frog soup, dead fish stew, and turtle pot pie.
Later, in the morning, Shrek finds out that the princess has completely disappeared. "FIONA" Shrek calls out. Shrek tries to find her but he did not succeed in finding her.
DONKEY: Shrek, I.... I wanna go with you.
SHREK: Hey, I told you, didn’t I? You’re not coming’ home with me. I live alone! My dump! Nobody else, understand?! Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys like you!
DONKEY: But I thought....
SHREK: Yeah, you know what Donkey? You thought wrong!
DONKEY: Shrek.
However, Shrek walks away from Donkey as Donkey watches sadly.
Later, Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey have gone there separate ways. Shrek in his outhouse, surrounded by no more garbage, Fiona is living with the Fairy Godmother, and Donkey walks alone depressed. Donkey sits by the side of a river. The dejected Dragon stops beside the river near Donkey. Donkey feels guilty and makes a resolve to go and talk to her.
Shrek is sitting in the dining table with eyeballs as cereal in a wooden bowl. This time his heart isn't into it and he pushes the dish away.
Donkey then opens the door to Shrek's outhouse. However, Shrek is furious at Donkey for stalking him.
Shrek: Freak off!
Donkey: No, you freak off!
Shrek: This is MY property!
Donkey: No, this is OUR property!
Shrek: Stop it Donkey!
Donkey: No, YOU stop it!
Shrek: Stubborn jackass!
Donkey: Smelly son of a!
Shrek: Fine!
Donkey: FINE!
Shrek angrily storms off towards his house.
Donkey: Hey Shrek, I'm not done with you yet.
Shrek: Well, I'm done with you!
Donkey: Uh-uh! You know, with you it's always me, me, me! Well, guess what?! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me! You insult me and you don't appreciate anything I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away!
Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
SHREK: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you. FOR STABBING ME IN THE BACK!
Donkey: You're just so wrapped up in layers that you are too afraid of your own feelings!
Shrek: Go away!
Donkey: There you're doing it again! Just like you did to Fiona! And all she ever did was love you.
Shrek: I don't care.
Donkey: You should care!
Shrek: No, I shouldn't care!
Donkey: I don't care what you say, you should!
Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: No! I won't be quiet.
Then Shrek slams his door, never wanting to see an annoying donkey ever again.
Later, Donkey feels guilty for starting a huge argument and knocks on his door.
Shrek: I'm sorry. Alright?!
Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
Shrek: Right.
Shrek: So what does Fiona think about me?
Donkey: Why don't you go ask her?
Shrek: The curse. We'll never make it in time.
Then Donkey whistles and Dragon flies in.
Shrek: How did you do that?
Then Donkey and Shrek climb onto the dragon. "All right. Hop on and hold on tight.
In Fairytale city, the Fairy Godmother has set up a clock and sets the time to 5 minutes until Fiona becomes stone as Fiona looks out the window nervously.
Then the dragon lands, shaking the ground because the dragon weighs so much. Shrek and Donkey step onto the ground
Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If I need you, I'll whistle.
Shrek is about to go into the Fairy Godmother's castle but Donkey says "Wait a minute Shrek. You just wanna do this right, don't you?"
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You just love me, don't you?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You wanna save her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please!
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: Then you gotta gotta gotta try, try, and try some tenderness! The chicks love that!
Shrek: Alright
Shrek grabs Donkey. "What do you see?" Shrek says. "The fairy godmother is in there." Donkey says.
Shrek, realizing he only has a little bit of time left, says "Oh for the love of god!" as he runs into the castle. "YOU!" Shrek says to the Fairy Godmother.
Fiona: Shrek?
Fairy Godmother: Oh now what does he want?
Fiona: [annoyed] What are you doing here?
Shrek: Fiona, I need to talk to you.
Fiona: Oh now you want to talk?
Shrek: But time's running out.
Fiona: So what?
Shrek: Because you only have a few minutes before you turn into stone.
Fairy Godmother: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to..
Then Shrek gives Fiona the kiss of true love, turning her green.
The Fairy Godmother: Ew! It's disgusting! Guards, get them out of my sight! Kill them! Kill them!
The guards rush in with spears and corner Shrek and Fiona
Fairy Godmother: Kill them if they fight back!
Shrek begins to fight with the guards. "Insolent beast! I'll make you regret the day we've met. You'll beg for death to save you!" the Fairy Godmother says.
Fiona: No, Shrek!
Then the Fairy Godmother takes out a deadly looking dagger and touches her throat with the sharp tip of the blade.
Fairy Godmother: And as for you, If you move an inch, I'll kill you.
Shrek says "Fiona!" and whistles. The dragon bashes the castle wall with donkey on to of her head. The Fairy Godmother drops her dagger and screams at the presence of the Dragon, flying away from the castle as fast as she can while the guards and Prince Charming are suprised.
Donkey: Alright! Nobody move! I've got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it!
All the guards and Prince Charming scream and run away from the dragon.
Later, at Wart Creek, Shrek and Fiona enter a lovely horse-drawn carriage. Dragon turns to Donkey, chuckling and batting her eyes and the 3 little pigs are beating up the Fairy Godmother who is tied to a tree.
All of the fairy tale characters celebrate as Shrek and Fiona ride off into the sunset and the book closes, writing "THE END".
